Davey Wavey’s Bathhouse Adventure
I’m always up for an adventure. And I rarely say no to an experience that will provide good material for my blog or YouTube channel. So when my friend Matt suggested that we “lose our bathhouse virginity” in New York City, I was sold.
Bathhouses, like libraries and newspapers, are a dying breed in this part of the world. The Internet is killing them. It’s not a quick and easy death; instead, it’s slow, painful and drawn out. Indeed, it’s much easier to browse profiles of eligible men from the comfort of your own home—or even on your iPhone or iPad. And so, as more and more gay men turn to the Internet for dating and fun, time is running out for the bathhouses.
When Matt and I arrived at the bathhouse, we were quite certain that the address must be wrong. From the outside, the building was unassuming. But that’s the whole point; discretion is key. A security officer guarded the front entrance and directed us to the elevator.
From behind bulletproof glass, the shadowy bathhouse attendant asked us for the $40 cover charge. As it turns out, visiting the bathhouse can be an expensive habit. We emptied our belongings into tin trays for safekeeping, and were directed down a dark hallway to our lockers.
After disrobing at the lockers, we adorned ourselves in traditional bathhouse attire: a sole white towel wrapped around the waist. And thus, we nervously set out to explore the facility.
When walking the dim halls of the bathhouse, one can’t help but feel like they’re visiting a haunted house at some low-budget amusement park. You’re never sure what you’ll see around the next corner. And in either situation, one is equally likely to be accosted by groping hands with sinister intent.
While walking through the snaking hallways, we came across a number of men. Some were sitting in small rooms. Some were just standing and waiting. A few, mostly behind closed (or half-opened) doors, were in the throws of passion. Most of the men were in their 60s, and almost all of them were married.
Matt and I talked with a few of the men. They told us about their lives—their jobs, their wives and children. For them, being open about their sexuality wasn’t an option. And so, they did what was expected of them and started families. Visiting the bathhouse, for many of these men, was their escape. “When I’m here, I’m free,” one man told me.
Being 28, it’s easy to forget that only 30 or 40 years separate me from these men. And it’s equally easy to forget that today’s more accepting world has come on the backs, sacrifices, blood, sweat and tears of the generations before us. All of us are indebted to the men and women that have made our journeys easier.
More than a bang, I lost my bathhouse virginity with a whimper. Though not nearly as tantalizing as I had hoped, visiting the bathhouse was a learning experience. And, as it is part of our culture, I’d encourage every gay man to make at least one pilgrimage.
But the clock is ticking, so you better hurry.
Want to share your bathhouse story? Leave us a comment below, and let's remember to keep it clean 
Congratulations for your vivid description Davey. You’ve made a point mentioning about internet has made a stroke in gay’s life. Here in Mexico City there is a centenial tradition of bathouses and today there are some saunas scatered through this massive city: some of them are decaying somehow, but still interesting to be visited. I feel safe by meeting real people rather than a masked profile on the net, and that’s why, during my city tours, I include a sauna that is brand new, with lovely facilities and asorted clientelle of all ages, nice bodies and charming conversations. So it is a perfect place to finish a great day in Mexico and meet exciting men.
What city on earth were you in?! If you had visited a bath house in Dallas the first part of your experience would be similar, but the clientele is primarily in your age group. The are mostly muscled and good looking. If you think bars can be cliquish, try a Dallas bath house. You’ll end up leaving ‘empty handed’ unless you got the right package ;~)
I am 38 and went to the bath house for the first time when I was about 21. They call them Sauna’s in Australia. Not really being into older men, I was surprised to find guys who were my type. Not long after, I travelled to the US and I went to one of those Dallas bath houses. WOW! It was kind of like what I imagined an exclusive leisure or sports club to be like, only there were only men there with the pretty-much the same idea in mind as me.
The best advice I have is to go and check it out. Don’t bring an expectation that you’ll find the man of your dreams in the sauna, in fact I’d take it a step further and suggest go without the expectation that you’ll hook up for some sex even. Sometimes it’s good just to find an out-of the-way corner of the city where you know you can be in the company of men only, and men that are almost certainly not going to mind you being exactly the man you like to be. Sometimes I like to think I’m the only one there.Indulge yourself in your own person way. Enjoy the facilities. Use the gym, and book a massage for when you’re finished. Then, take a steam bath or relax in the jaccuzzi.Chances are, by the time you’ve recharged, you’ll have spotted somebody you’d like to get to know better.
I also really like using the internet to meet people, but there are pros and cons and I hope that the bath house can find a place in the post-billion facebook fan world.
Since then, I’ve enjoyed travelling on five continents and in many cities and I always make a point of checking out the local sauna online, before I arrive. 17 years later, I’m still out, still proud and still love the sauna.