Saving Face by Stuffing Your Face

In China, when someone invites you out to a meal, he or she is essentially putting his or her entire reputation on the line. That is, if there isn’t enough food, then they “lose face,” meaning their pride is tarnished. This evening, in response to this fear, my host ordered enough food to feed a majority of Southeast Asia. While there were ten of us at dinner, that certainly did not constitute ordering nearly fifteen pounds of meat, vegetables, tofu, soup for all, potato bread, more tofu, green peppers, eggplant, and more tofu. It just kept coming, one after another, until the entire table was literally covered with plates! When we left, it looked as though none of us had eaten anything. This was quite good for our host, who had obviously done an exceptional job in filling us with delicious Korean barbecue. Her face glimmered with pride. While it was more than obvious that she had ordered enough food, she still remarked at the end of the meal, “oh, I am sorry if there was not enough food.” What? Not enough food? Look at the table! There is an entire cow and two chickens still waiting to be eaten! This custom is terribly difficult to get used to. It just feels so wasteful. Not only is it the host’s job to feed everyone beyond reason, but it is also the guest’s duty to never empty their plate. This is really hard when all you want to do is chomp down that last bite of delicious sweet and sour chicken, or savor every single fresh noodle. In truth, Chinese dinner parties are far more than just food and conversation. They are a status symbol. If you can feed your guest’s, it is a sign of wealth and prosperity. The beer flows like water, and the food just never stops coming! While I have yet to leave a meal feeling hungry, I do find myself buried in guilt for being so wasteful. If only there were a way to have it all – the host feeling proud, and the guests not feeling guilty. I guess a “thank you, the meal was terrific” just isn’t enough anymore… -- Kyle Taylor